What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
