after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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