I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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