super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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