How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
