Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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