Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
