Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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