Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
