Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
