It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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