..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think i have two assholes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
