So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
