Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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