here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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