Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we made out on top of his cat.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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