I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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