I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Couch. On fire.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
