A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
