well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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We are all done wearing pants today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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