Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
