I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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