I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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