We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
