I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think a kid would responsible me up
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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