Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
