Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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