Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
