you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
