Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
