Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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