Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
