I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
