guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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