Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
