you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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