i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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