actually, I'm a sock model
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
