I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
