after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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