a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week