Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause