Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?