I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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