I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.