I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We left the knife in your bed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3