Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love having hate sex.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize