i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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