mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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