Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
