AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
