You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
