Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
