she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
