I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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