When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize