LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
