Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
