That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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