Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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