apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
