Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize