dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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