Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
