so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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