I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
